Relationships

A relationship is a sacred, binding, and enduring commitment rooted in God’s character and promises. It is not based on convenience, emotion, or performance but on faithfulness, loyalty, and grace. A covenant relationship is: Initiated by promise, not by emotion or preference Sustained by steadfast love (hesed) Marked by mutual responsibility and sacrificial commitment. Centered on God, whose covenant with His people defines how believers relate to one another. In Scripture, covenant is God's chosen way of binding Himself to His people. Therefore, Christian relationships, marriage, parent/child, friendship, church membership, are to reflect God’s covenantal love.

How Do Covenant Relationships Compare to Secular Relationships

Conditional Relationship

“I love you if…” “I remain committed as long as you meet my expectations.” Based on behavior, results, or benefit Easily broken when feelings change or needs aren’t met

Transactional Relationship

“I give to you because you give to me.” “I’ll stay as long as this is mutually beneficial.” Driven by exchange Feels like a contract: break the terms → relationship ends

Performative Relationship

“I need to impress you or earn your approval.” “My value in this relationship depends on my success.” Rooted in image, achievement, or fear of rejection Revolves around self-protection rather than vulnerability

Covenant Relationship

“I commit to love you because God has loved me.”  “My commitment is rooted in grace, not your performance.” Based on promise, grace, and faithfulness Enduring even under strain Rooted in the character of God, not the conditions of circumstance. Makes space for repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation  Seeks the other’s spiritual good, not self-benefit

Covenant ≠ Contract. Contracts limit responsibility; covenants expand it.

A. Christ-centered relationships are anchored in a shared identity.  Bond is not just personality compatibility but union in Christ. The relationship has a spiritual dimension, aiming toward sanctification and mutual encouragement.

B. They have a shared mission.  Non-Christian friendships may focus on mutual enjoyment. Christian friendships include discipleship, prayer, accountability, and helping each other follow Jesus.

C. Forgiveness and reconciliation are central.  Secular friendships often fade with conflict. Christ-centered ones pursue peace, confession, reconciliation, and forgiveness.

D. Love is defined by Christ.  Not merely affection, but self-sacrificial love.  Not “you do you,” but “I want God’s best for you.”

E. They are empowered by the Holy Spirit. Transformation, patience, conviction, and unity come from God’s work within the relationship.

F. They last beyond this life.  Christian fellowship is eternal; believers remain family in Christ forever.

Passages on Covenant Relationships

God’s Covenant with His People

Genesis 15; 17 God’s covenant with Abraham

Exodus 19–24 Mosaic covenant

2 Samuel 7 Davidic covenant 

Jeremiah 31:31–34: Promise of the New Covenant

Luke 22:20: the New Covenant

Hebrews 8–10: Christ as mediator of a better covenant

Characteristics of Covenant Love 

Hesed (steadfast, covenant love): Psalm 136; Lamentations 3:22–23 

Faithfulness and commitment: Ruth 1:16–17, Ruth’s covenant loyalty to Naomi

Marriage as covenant: Malachi 2:14, marriage is a covenant before God 

Ephesians 5:25–33, Christ-like sacrificial love 

Forgiveness and reconciliation: Colossians 3:12–14; Matthew 18:21–35 

Covenant Community: Acts 2:42–47,  devoted fellowship 

Romans 12, members of one body, committed to one another 

1 Corinthians 12–13, spiritual unity and covenant love

Galatians 6:2, bearing one another’s burdens

Theological Doctrines That Explain Covenant Relationships

Covenant Theology

A major framework in Reformed theology describing how God relates to His people:   Covenant of Redemption: the eternal plan within the Trinity 

Covenant of Works: Adam 

Covenant of Grace: God’s redemptive commitment to save His people through Christ. This shapes Christian community as a people bound not by contract but by grace and promise.

Doctrine of the Trinity: The relational life of Father, Son, and Spirit models: mutual love, unity, self-giving, commitment. Christian relationships reflect Trinitarian fellowship.

Doctrine of Justification and Grace: Since God relates to believers by grace, believers relate to one another graciously, not conditionally.

Ecclesiology (Doctrine of the Church)Christians are members of one body, obligated to: love, support, forgive, build up, remain in unity

Sanctification: Christian friendship is a tool God uses to grow believers into Christlikeness.